Free To Be.

We all change at some point or the other. That's just how it goes. Today, however, it just HIT me about how much I have changed. My tastes, beliefs, dreams are just...different. I was listening to old rock songs today. The ones that used to be my escape from negativity. The ones that took me to another world. The kind that now takes others around me to that special place to which I'm just a spectator.
Music hasn't done that to me in a very long time. I mean yes, music still speaks out what I feel and it does transport me. It used to be my morphine for all the pain. Has the pain gotten that out of hand? =]
I'm so sick of this maze. Hitting these stupid dead ends. The prize at the end - I can see it frikkin' gleam all the way out here. They say - once you're WAY down there, you can only go up. It's never ending actually. You can never be too rich or have too much. We're human for Pete's sake. We hoard and we hoard and we still need more. Why is it that the insignificant beggar on the road remains where he is for the next 30 years of his life? Stagnant, monotonous. We go up by some stroke of luck or by the resoluteness of our own will to get there. Staying down there does not mean that good things are going to come along. Staying down there means slapping yourself silly, getting that insane surge of discretion to CHANGE it.
I keep hitting a dead end. I hate how I feel like I used to be a lot more creative, a lot more dogged and a lot more positive. All that seems to be lost...somewhere. I'll get it back; I know. I always do.
For the time being though, till I find what seems to be missing, I'll "Drive everything I have like I stole it" =]