You Make Me Wanna Say La La La La

I had two cosmos today.I kept sipping through that little straw, feeling that pink liquid hit my throat and make me feel all warm.It eased every nerve that was frazzled, it mushed every thought that made my head hurt.I was happy.

They kept playing great music.Black Eyed Peas et al.I forgot I had had a nervous breakdown the previous night, I forgot that I'm turning into an insomniac.I forgot that my whole life I thought the plural of cul-de-sac was cul-de-sacs only to be horrified to find out that it is culs-de sac.

I blended in with the music.They were playing 'Boom Boom Pow'.I did the robotic dance with a couple of friends that arrived later.I let the sheesha hit me (red bull base).I loved that world.

Then I had to leave.Reality hit me.My eternal strive to reach my goal flashed again.I turned into crazy you-have-to-inform-me-a-week-in-advance-if-you-wanna-hang-out Michelle.

But you know who tolerates this insanity?Theres only one person.I'd crumble into pieces without him.This tough exterior is what he breaks.

He doesn't make me lose myself

Tripping

I went on yet another detailed travel to the South of India on the constant nagging of my parents.I cannot recollect how many illnesses and chiropractic concerns I faked whilst wistfully trying to get out of going.

Let me refresh you on how I am terribly backward thinking and no-Mcdonalds-within-a-mile -radius phobic I am.I just consider it plain weird if there is no Mcdonalds in an area.Kerala has one Mcdonalds outlet.One.I love Kerala and its beauty and how it truly is God's own country, but some things are just frightening! I had to search through a million gold shop infested streets for a decent book shop that possessed a good read.I was desperate.I had no cousins.Just spent the first half of this 'holiday' with a bunch of old people talking about coconut fish gravies (which, by the way, were delicious) and the acres of land we possess.

I was bored.How I couldn't wait till we actually stopped the relatives house hopping and go on the real vacation.

The day we left, had me truly ecstatic.The sights I saw were breathtaking.Munnar, indeed is as close to heaven as it gets! There were certain places I could spend all day gazing at while sipping cardamom tea.

It made me realise that I shouldn't have had a preconceived notion about something I hadn't experienced.I was so caught up in missing so many classes and the main cause for my mind block- I WOULD NOT BE WORKING OUT FOR 15 DAYS! I mean, The minimum I go without sweating my butt off is a day.That was quite a challenge for me.But, I trekked and walked through mist filled, tree lined roads with my head phones on.It was so blissful.

The break was thoroughly welcoming.It felt nice to not cram my head with 500 japanese words a day.

But yes, a city girl does eventually start missing the noise and the bustle of her fast paced life.So, here I am.Working it.

Oh No, She Didn't!

Unacceptable.Thats what I was thinking when I watched todays episode of the "Amazing Race''.For those that do follow, this time, one of the teams consist of a deaf son and his mother - Luke and Margie.Throughout the race I have been in complete awe of them.Luke, for his 'do or die' spirit and Margie for being super mom and making sure Luke is aware of everything that is being said around him in her pefected sign language.

But today, the competition got ugly when one of the other teams sort of banged into Luke at a route info station and ended up calling him a bitch.

I thought that was the most vile thing to do or say to someone that cannot hear when your running behind him and cannot hear when you call him out.

Like that wasn't low enough, they ended up laughing at him when he tried telling his side of the story in sign language at the pitt stop.

Margie, obviously got defensive, but had I been Luke's mom or just a mere spectator, I would have pushed Keisha and Jen (team bitch) into the river and left them to drown.

I fucking hate it when such things happen.To think, that people out there actually have no heart and can just play that dirty?

Roadies and Splitsvilla for example.It started out at just laughing at ugly girls and even uglier boys trying to fit in and ''fall in love''.But now both those shows have become so damn trashy, with so much of negativity, it just makes you lose hope in humanity itself.

I'm thoroughly disgusted.Roadies started out as an amazing show.I still think the concept is brilliant.The people aren't.

People that lose their respect in the process of becoming ''well known'' deserve to be cast away on some island and never be found.People that disrespect someone else's inabilities should be eternally damned to being able to only digest poop.

Happy Realisation

There comes a point in your life where you feel like it takes one small hit to make that building of emotions tumble.I've been hit.

I suddenly just woke up and realised all my life I have been potraying this happy image of a happy girl with a happy life with happy people.It was a masquerade.It was just me not letting the person in front of me know what lies behind all those smiles.

I can't do that anymore.Cause I'm not happy.I never have been.

Its time I show everyone the finger and just leave.Everyone.

Theres never a future or a past.Theres only a present.Only now is a reality.I'd rather drown myself in my past and not face my future.I'm done with everybody and everything.

Wonderwall

Acrylic moods fleet by me

Pleasuring me, tickling my emotions

The colour defines my overwhelming nature;

in strong and subtle hues.

I pick every colour to my desire

Some just splashes on a canvas.Indecisive.Indiscreet.

Some, well defined and over flowing with finesse-Mature, yet experimental.

Some, are just soulful.Earthy and warm-filled with thoughts and wisdom.

Some, are just splotchy and dark-looming over other bland shares.Overpowering them.

Rebellious.Angry.Me.

The mixture of all these feelings, fill me up like a painter with a blank canvas.

Sometimes the picture is a masterpiece and sometimes, its just difficult to interpret and understand.

Look deeper

Hold that gaze

Dig into that crevice; find me behind the haze

I'm lost.

Keep looking, I'm lost.

''I build walls not to keep people out of my life; but to see which people care enough to climb over the walls I build''

You Make Me Happy Anyway

I loved those irrevelant questions

The smear of mud and the tug of braids

I loved the carefree holding of hands

No one to answer to, life felt like a charade

I loved the innocence that engulfed embarrasment

The teardrops vanished within seconds

The world I viewed through rose tints

Shattered when I grew up

Now, those questions hold weight

The mud seems dirty.

The neat braids are cropped from my waist

The cold reality hits me like a hailstorm

Those rose tints lay in pieces around

My childhood fantasy...broken...

Waiting On The World To Change

PEOPLE NEED TO STOP REPRODUCING! This city has been so bloody crowded for the past few days, its been driving me CRAZY...How about protection people? I mean its bad enough these TV channels have been freaking me out with their 'views' and measures to prevent global warming.Stop producing so many kids or we're all going to DIE!

I finally have an english teacher I like.Poetry has never been more interesting and I would love to marry John Donne cause when I read about his past and how 'involved' he was in like 20 million things, I perceived his character to be immensely interesting! I have been noticing that I have started becoming very withdrawn with emotion recently.I barely open up to anybody...I have no idea why I'm beginning to have that sense of discomfort to disclose anything.Its proving to be a very bad transition because I tend to be irritated with that one problem that grows and grows into branches of irritation and then I'm just pissed off most of the time.

A friend of mine actually suggested that I give applying to universities abroad a try.We both are quite sick and tired of living here and we desperately need some sense of freedom to just escape all the craziness and stupid stupid reasons that have us tied down.I sometimes seriously feel like a prisoner no matter what I do.I think its time I took some major decisions that change my life in some way.So, I'm going to prepare for my GRE AND TOEFL soon...Guess where I'm applying? Brown! I know its a terribly far shot aim but I'm going to study my ass off so I can get a full scholarship to do my masters in literature and get a degree in photography. (I know its not that difficult cause my friend just got a full paid scholarship to Brown and if he can do it , so can I).I'm not going to be this model robot that has a fixed aim in her life.I'm going to do everything and anything that interests me even if they are poles apart.Nothing is going to hold me back anymore.Nothing