Get Up, Stand Up.

A month laced with numerous emotions.
I have always wondered what it would be like to take a complete 360 degree turn and do something that I have never been interested in. I was curious I guess to try and test and figure out the sections in my brain. P broke his shoulder and I was going to write his papers for him. I would never have thought to be even be remotely related to anything in that field because something like engineering and me, are like the nerd trying to score with the hottie.

But, I found myself amongst algorithms, hopeless attempts at drawing diagrams and the one thing that always makes me run in the opposite direction – Mathematics. It had been so long since I had ever heard the word ‘matrices’ or ‘coefficient’. The very feeling that I possessed toward the subject came rushing back to me as I heaved a sigh of relief as to how I had kept the promise I made to myself to NEVER have to deal with that wretched subject once I was out of school. But I got to experience what it’s like on the other side of the fence. It’s not always that a devout follower of Aristotle’s poetic truth and William Wordsworth’s ‘humble rustic man’ gets to write about computer graphics and data processing. So yes, that’s one less thing to experience on that list of countless things that I keep adding every single day.

As melodramatic and cheesy it may sound, I am not at all used to being away from A. It’s not like we haven’t spent time apart, it’s just that KNOWING that he isn’t in the same city, makes me feel a very queasy kind of uncomfortable. However, I had made up my mind that I would get through the week that he wasn’t here, as normally as possible and I did. Of course S, D and P were the main reason why I could. But this month, I feel like I have conquered that constant fear that I used to have every time someone really close to me went away for long periods of time. That nagging feeling was pushed aside into one cramped up corner and told to face the wall. It behaved. This is why I bought myself the feeling of new shopping bags and the smell of crispy new clothes.

I’m finally getting on the track to a steady income. It might not be a dream job, but it will hopefully put me through college next year and let me take that one kickass vacation this year before I can finally immerse myself in the happiness of what I hope to be one of the happiest things I look forward to studying. A 10 year old me, had actually thought that there would never come a point where money could buy happiness. Happiness meant so much then too, happiness was finishing my 17 times table and being able to go down and play. Happiness has taken a whole different turn now. So, I don’t care if you can climb the higher branch of a tree (actually, I might) or have skinned knees or if you have the most amount of Barbie dolls or a gorgeous bicycle. I care about tuition fees and dream road trips and freedom.
Or maybe just freedom.